MOVING DAY!

I’ve finally decided to move my site and use my own domain name on a self-hosted WordPress site. This is a really big decision for me, and I made it for a number of reasons. Not the least important reason is because I’ve always wanted my own website, but an even deeper reason is because of all it represents for me. My own website means my own space and no limits. One of the things I’ve always wanted to do “when I grow up” is have my own website and be independent. I might not be a grown-up, and I don’t feel very independent, but I decided to reach out my comfort zone, and try for something I want.

I’ll still keep this blog & its content for now, but I will not be updating it or posting here anymore.

My new site is here  —> imadeiyamu.com . Come along with me.🙂

There’s a Voice Inside my Head

Humans Are Weird

Although it sounds a lot like me, it’s not me. Actually, in truth, it sounds exactly like me. It speaks in the same manner as I, we share the same, rather ambiguous accent, it knows the same words as me, it even employs the same inflections and occasional distortions, mumbles. But it’s not me.

It’s an anxious voice. Not to say that the voice itself is anxious; it’s to say that the voice seems to belong to an overly anxious mind. The mind feeding into this voice seems to be concerned and worried about almost everything. Doomsday is always approaching. It incessantly sees images of loved ones, struck by lightning, a truck, or the glittering axe of a psychopath in passing, blowing up into millions of fleshy parcels, scattered. It sees dishonesty, un-loyalty. A lot of that in fact. Everyone is in on some cosmic joke of which I’ve been…

View original post 735 more words

The Gay Agenda

I didn’t know this before, but there is a thing called ‘The Gay Agenda’. According to this, society is systematically forcing homosexuality & acceptance of ‘the gay culture and lifestyle’ on us. And we see it everywhere: countries are legalising homosexuality & gay marriage, homosexuals are being shown more in movies and on tv, gay people are now allowed to adopt children. Slowly, these homosexuals are creeping into our lives to turn everybody in the world gay, so they can take over the world and rule over all of humanity forever and ever and ever.

The way people respond to difference- anything that sticks out or doesn’t conform completely in some way- is always fundamentally the same.

2015/01/img_0027.png

Why does it have to become a power struggle because you don’t know or understand it? There is no ‘agenda’. Nobody is forcing homosexuality on you. When people are given the right to express themselves, and the right to their own sexuality; to love & be attracted to who they want, to start a family and live on their own terms without fear, it’s not an agenda: it’s basic human rights.

Then there are people who say they’re okay with gay people being gay, but there should be a ban on two guys kissing in public, cos nobody wants to see that. And it reminds me of when I overheard someone say something like, ‘Nothing wrong with being dark, as long as you’re not too-too dark.’ They are talking about different things, but they’re all effectually saying: You have the right to be yourself, so you should show your gratitude by not being yourself. Well, you can be yourself, though, but don’t be too much of yourself, don’t be yourself in public & definitely don’t be yourself anywhere around me.

So the ‘gay agenda’ is existent only in the minds of white male conservative Christians who would rather there still be racial segregation & abstinence be the only form of sex education (ironically, these are the people Nigerians have more in common with). I read somewhere that a society’s humanity is judged not by how much it sides with its majority but on how well it protects its minority. Acceptance is what moves societies forward, otherwise we’d just break off whenever there’s any difference, the logical conclusion of which would be each person having his/her own country.

My Life, Religion, and Other Things

Oduor Oduku

The sages have died with their words frozen like molten lava hugging the mountain side. The brightness of their wisdom shines but the slippery rock is a curse to the feeble-limbed. The spiritual way is clogged by religious dogmas and cults trace the vague fences of veneration. I was once a pious child, following in the footsteps of my Christian parents. I did my Catechism but fell afoul with ‘Who created me’ answers because of their inadequacy to capture my young mind. But parents are angels, second-hand gods with arms that guide like the meandering banks of a river – and so I did my Baptism and the Priest shot me a “Richard”, then Confirmation and the Bishop christened me ‘Maccarius’ among a plethora of ancient names parried about to be clasped. I comfortably became a black missionary mirror, albeit a minor.

My African roots, as regards religion were not…

View original post 2,018 more words

God’s not dead: The movie.

I’m not an atheist, but this movie annoyed me thoroughly. The plot of this movie hangs on a college student who has to make a case for God when his philosophy professor forces him to either admit God is dead or fail his class. The debating for God isn’t my problem: Go on. Do your thing. You go girl. More grease to your elbow. But the part that annoyed me was how they misrepresented what philosophy means. I’m not a philosopher (yet) , but I’m very interested, &have been taking classes, in philosophy for a while. Philosophy is an enriching tool of knowledge & extremely wack that these people had to spread ignorance & equate philosophy to atheism, or to being evil, for the sake of making their dead point.

Before any teaching, the professor shows the students different names on the board & what do they have in common? They’re all atheist.

2015/01/img_0008.jpg

This is the first class of the year in an introductory course to philosophy. None of the students have probably been to a philosophy class & the first thing is not to talk about the achievements of all those people he listed, or the contributions they’ve made to modern thought &mphilosophy but to lump them together collectively as atheists. Like really? Is that the first thing any teacher is likely to do? He won’t even define philosophy first? No?

Then he mentions agnosticism & something he said just rubbed me the wrong way.

2015/01/img_0004.jpg

2015/01/img_0010.jpg

2015/01/img_0006.jpg

Like 😕😕 anyone that describes agnosticism as ‘weak’ is not well-informed. There are different types of agnosticism. Some say that there is not enough evidence to be sure if God exists or not, so we can’t know if there’s a God. Other agnostics think that the existence of God is unknowable & we’ll never be able to know if there is a God. In a way we’re all agnostics cos we all don’t know. You can believe there is a God. But belief isn’t proof of anything, cos I could also believe Father Christmas is real. You can say there’s no proof for God but what if evidence for God comes out tomorrow? You can’t really be absolutely certain about it.
Agnosticism isn’t weak. It’s not an ‘oh, idk’. It can actually be the most honest answer one can give right then. Like, in the past people thought sickness & diseases occurred when the gods were angry with you. But if anybody was honest about it they’d have said, “I don’t know what causes diseases bcos there are no tools or evidence for me to to study it with yet.” So agnosticism is not ‘weak’ & no professor of philosophy is going to say something like that. Clearly this guy is NOT a philosophy professor.

2015/01/img_0012.jpg

2015/01/img_0005-0.jpg

2015/01/img_0008-0.jpg
At this point I’m sure of 2 things. 1.) This guy isn’t a philosophy professor 2.) This guy has never been to a philosophy class. “bypass senseless debate”? “jump to the conclusion” ?? Noooooobody says this.
Philosophy is always about debate, argument & logic. Not just giving answers, but asking ourselves what basis we have for those answers. A philosopher is the last person who would want to give you an opinion & demand that you swallow it whole without thinking about it. A teacher is the second-to-the-last person who should do that. Instead of trying so hard to make an illogically evil professor, maybe they could’ve taken 5 mins to google what philosophy is? Or ask any Christian philosopher to look through it? Smfh.

In the final showdown, the first year student with no knowledge of philosophy apparently manages to outsmart a professor in his own subject area (???). We also discover that the professor isn’t even an atheist at all.

2015/01/img_0007.jpg

2015/01/img_0011.jpg

Apparently, this guy isn’t an atheist cos he researched his position or cos he weighed the evidence. Nah, man just hates God for killing his mother. Really. I know some atheists & they don’t ‘hate’ God, cos for them, God doesn’t exist. Anyone claiming to hate God is an anti-theist but STILL a believer. It’s like suggesting I don’t believe in The Little Mermaid cos I’m angry with Ariel, maybe cos she stole my boyfriend. Hian.

The basic plot of the movie doesn’t even connect to start with. So a professor bullies you to being an atheist & the right response is to take on a debate with him??? Why not drop the class? The guy is obviously insane & not fit to teach. Why not report to the school authorities? Your right to religion & expression should not be taken by anybody.

The fact that this movie had to distort philosophy & distort what atheists believe to make a point just annoys me. If I have to lie & misrepresent my ‘opponent’ to convince others, can my viewpoint really be trusted anymore?

Dating an ugly person

The theory for this one is that it’s better, in the long run, to date a person who’s ugly. Because ugly people (guys, specifically) will treat you better. And because I used to think like this, I know that this only makes sense in your head, not in real life.

2015/01/img_0019.png

I don’t know who is arguing that men cheat more, or what facts they’re using, but okay. Let’s say men cheat more than women. That’s not the main issue with this. Throughout this, there’s a general undertone that cheating is justifiable or understandable. No. A person who is very attractive can be faithful & an ugly person can still cheat. Why? Cos a person who wants to cheat, will cheat: ugly, beautiful, rich, poor. And even if you’re unsatisfied with your partner in any way at all, that’s a reason to leave the relationship, not to cheat.

What does ‘accustomed’ there mean? Like, are you the only beautiful person in your town, state, country or in all existence? There will always be someone better-looking than you, especially since beauty is subjective. Even if he’s not ‘accustomed’ to your looks now, he will get ‘accustomed’ over time. And if someone who values you for your looks, sees/gets attention from someone more attractive than you, what then happens?

Also, your beauty or how you look is not a favour to anybody. It’s not an accomplishment or a trophy for your partner or a personal achievement for your CV & it doesn’t say anything about who you are. Being beautiful certainly doesn’t elevate you over anybody & being ugly doesn’t put you beneath anybody.

I know this is very shocking to hear & hard to believe but it’s important to know:

ugly people are people too.

2015/01/img_0017.jpg

2015/01/img_0018.jpg

I know; very shocking. Ugly people are people- they think and dream and love and hate, and are as fully capable of good and evil as anybody else. What is the difference between dating someone just cos they’re attractive & specifically dating ugly people? Nothing. You’re still dating someone based on their looks & the expectations you’ve attributed to those looks. It’s the same formula: A placebo technique that promises you fast, secure happiness but doesn’t do anything really.

Instead of dating an attractive person or an ugly person, you can just date a person. You can take time to genuinely connect with someone, then enter into & build a relationship with them based on trust & communication & understanding. But of course, that sounds harder.

Bleaching. 4 things.

    1. Bleaching is your choice. I don’t like the idea of bleaching, but I also don’t like the idea of people living according to what another person thinks, and not their own standards. You can’t give people freedom of thought & expression, and then attack them when they exercise it. Bleaching is, effectually, changing your own body for your own reasons. And we should be free to do that on our own terms.

2. Bleaching is not like tanning. One thing I see & hear sometimes is “oh, why is it so bad when a black person bleaches but white people tan and get surgery done and it’s ok.” 1, What does tanning have to do with a discussion on bleaching? It’s like talking about high sugar in Coke and someone says, “but Fanta has sugar too.” Okay??? But who was talking about Fanta?? 2, What do white people have to do with it? As if a legitimate response to someone criticising something is “white people do it too.” 3, suggesting that bleaching & tanning are somehow equivalent is the most purposefully ignorant thing ever. And it lacks social context. When black people bleach their skin, it is not only for the lighter skin, but for the real & imagined benefits that come with that. White people, though, are not tanning for any  dark skin privileges. Tans are temporary & not really risky. Bleaching is permanent & I hear it can cause cancer. But then again, what doesn’t cause cancer nowadays?

3. Bleaching is not like make-up/hair/filters. Some days I feel being taller, other days I feel like having a big afro. On rare occasions, I feel like having contacts with a different eye colour. But at the end of the day, I will remove the high heels, the hair and the contacts. That is the fundamental difference between make-up and bleaching. The levels of extreme aren’t comparable. If you told me I had to choose between my normal eye colour and having a permanent eye-changing surgery that could potentially have complications, then that would be on the same level of extreme as bleaching.

4. Bleaching is not your choice. It’s easy to say “oh bleaching is wrong” then shame people who do, but it’s harder to think & have empathy. To place yourself in a position where you’d rather face permanent health complications than look the way you do. Then to question a society that’d make anybody feel like that. It’s not sensible to assume everybody who bleaches does it for the same reason (like someone said bleaching can be a way to try a new look. Idk how you can just try something if it’s permanent. But I’ll allow.). It’s also willfully ignorant to ignore a major conception why people do: because being darker is a bad thing, as reinforced by black people themselves. And it’s annoying cos people always want to be two-sided about it. Like, you can’t bash people for being dark (or praise only lighter people) then bash people for bleaching. People should live on their own terms not on standards imposed by other people. Cos then there’s no choice at all.

The Gay ‘Lifestyle’ is not the real topic

This and this and that

This is the incident that pushed me over the edge, so to speak, and had me start a blog, because I needed to stop people from doing this.

A little while ago, someone posted a video in a group on facebook. It was a video of an incident where two gay men were beaten to death. I don’t know any more details, because I didn’t follow the link and didn’t watch the video. I really don’t need to see any people being beaten to death.

I was going to ignore the link, when I saw a comment someone had made, saying that while they didn’t agree with “that lifestyle” they were not to judge and that the sexual orientation of a person was no reason to kill them. Something about this comment annoyed me very much, but at first I couldn’t tell what it was. Only after I read another…

View original post 589 more words

5 things I’ve learnt this year.

 

Even though we’re barely mid-December. Even though I have little or 0 Christmas spirit. And even though I should’ve written this like a week ago, I still wanted to write out what I have learnt this year, 2014, before it ends officially.

 

1    SCHOOL IS HARD.  No, really. I like reading & I like studying but I don’t like exams and I don’t like the going-to-school process and how compulsory it is and most of all, I don’t like waking up in the morning to listen for 2 hours to a topic I’ll still have to read all over again for 4 hours. School is so hard, or maybe just studying law is hard. Every day is a new stress, every week leaves you simultaneously sighing in relief and holding your breath for that new test or assignment that’ll pop up from nowhere and swallow your gp whole and banish you & your family to the Evil Forest.

 

imageedit_2_4781394753

 

 

I dunno, I’m conflicted. But this year I’ve learnt that I can’t breeze through school anymore the way I was used to.

2. CARING IS OPTIONAL. There are so many things we care about for no other reason than other people say it’s important. That can work well for people maybe, but I’m not one to care in small doses; I either care so obsessively that it consumes me or not at all. And I can’t be adding things to my to-care list, when I feel nothing at all. I don’t care about school gist or what people think of me, or Instagram, or politics, or how other people spend their money, or other people’s love lives, or other people’s sex lives, or other people’s everything (or most things, at least). I should care about some things, BUT I DON’T. I actually don’t care but I make myself feel like I have to care and this year I’ve learnt I don’t have to. It’s not compulsory to impose other people’s interests and obsessions on myself for no justifiable reason.

3. STOP PLANNING. I’m a compulsive planner. I can take any small event, activity or day and plan it to the details, two months ahead. I used to schedule my days into hours and minutes even, and I think it made me feel powerful, like I had some control over a future I couldn’t see. But I’ve learnt to stop letting my plans take over my life and just breathe. Not like planning for the future is a bad thing, but trying to map out areas of life you can’t possibly be sure of yet is like chasing the wind; like trying to grasp something that will never really be yours anyway. Actually, I’m still learning this one, but still.

4. A MIND OF MY OWN. I feel like I opened my mind in so many ways this year, and that’s been the best blessing for me. Idk if it just happened this year, or if it’s a continuous process that I’ll still look back on again next year.

I don’t believe in most of the things I used to, anymore and I’ve seen other things in a different way, and other things I’m still discovering. Life is so complex, and beautiful, and new and I’ve learnt not to think for myself. Not to accept anything I haven’t examined in my own head, and to listen to everything. Read everything. Even (or especially) people you don’t agree or identify with.

5. BE YOURSELF. It is very cliché, but it’s the most important lesson that I learned, am still learning and will continue to learn. The world is always trying to tell us there’s something wrong with you; your body, your race, your gender, your nationality, your aspirations. Even religion tells us that there is something wrong with us by virtue of our very existence; that we have sinned by being born. And all of human rights, feminism, gay rights, black rights movements, are for the singular pursuit that you are entitled to be yourself and be happy and free from shame and guilt and fear no matter what you look like or where you come from or who you’re sexually attracted to. The world points out our weaknesses on a daily, and tells us to hate ourselves and then blames us when we actually do. I’ve learnt that it’s very good to have ambition and to want to change yourself but it’s so much better if you can be entirely and, apologetically, yourself.

lesson

 

 

 

For me, this year is done and I’m already in 2015 in my head. Learning more lessons on the way.

The easiest book in the world to understand.

I’ve been thinking so much about this. How open to all kinds of interpretations the Bible is, and how many contradictions are contained in it. And how people who believe it the most haven’t read it or examined it in-depth beyond Sunday morning and casual reference during the week.

Atheist Dave

If I were the creator of the universe, esp. the earth and its inhabitants, and I wanted everybody to know and worship me and follow a very explicit set of rules and guidelines, I might list all my achievements in book form, and I might even include all my rules in that book. Takes a load off my shoulders, right? I wouldn’t have to pop down here every hour and tap somebody on the shoulder and say “Hey, that’s against the rules.” Because if I wanted everybody to follow my rules and I had them all laid out in a nice book and people still didn’t follow them, I would do that. I would intervene. First off, it could serve as a pretty cool reminder that I actually exist. Second, some people just need reminders.

But being that I’m supremely awesome, supremely powerful, and supremely knowledgeable, the rules put forth…

View original post 382 more words

You Don’t Have To Be Pretty – On YA Fiction And Beauty As A Priority

The Belle Jar

“I’m not trying to be self-deprecating,” I say, “I just don’t get it. I’m younger. I’m not pretty. I –”

He laughs, a deep laugh that sounds like it came from deep inside him, and touches his lips to my temple.

“Don’t pretend,” I say breathily. “You know I’m not. I’m not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty.”

“Fine. You’re not pretty. So?” He kisses my cheek. “I like how you look. You’re deadly smart. You’re brave. And even though you found out about Marcus …” His voice softens. “You aren’t giving me that look. Like I’m a kicked puppy or something.”

“Well,” I say. “You’re not.”

Veronica Roth, Divergent

This handful of sentences, spoken by Divergent‘s protagonists Tris and Four, might be some of the most revolutionary words ever written in a young adult novel. In fact, they’re pretty incredible no matter what the genre…

View original post 1,182 more words

why phone > virginity

 

IMG_0298

 

I saw that picture last week. It wasn’t my first time seeing it, but seeing it now was annoying and sad. Sad because at the time I saw it last, I actually did think like that and agreed with it. I was a fellow self-righteous one, shaking my head and turning my nose at this horrible materialistic world that values iPhones over pure, holy virginity.

I’ve never lost my phone or my virginity, but obviously I would be far more pissed to lose my phone than my virginity (‘losing virginity’ as in consensual sex not rape or abuse or anything like that) for 7 good reasons.

 

1

First, and most obviously, I can remember where I lost my virginity. Idk, not remembering where I left something sometimes annoys me more than losing the thing itself. And losing my phone wouldn’t be a problem if I knew where I left it, would it?

 

2

My phone is an expression of who I am, my virginity is not. I mean, two people can have the exact same model and brand of phone but what’s on the phones can’t be the same. My phone is full of contacts of the people I care about (and the ones I’m avoiding), pictures I took or saved and music I like to listen to. It’s an expression of my individuality. But my virginity is the same as any other person’s virginity. My phone gives a glimpse of who I am, and what my life is like but my virginity tells you nothing. A reverend father who has never had sex and a teenage guy who does everything sexual except actual penetration are both, technically, still tagged ‘virgins’ and have the same virginity. But their phones would NOT be the same. Your virginity doesn’t define you, or say anything important about your life at all.

3

My phone has a use. I can call people, get messages, listen to music, blog, watch movies, stream videos, tweet, get the latest news, watch vines, chat, shop, read, anything. But what exactly does my virginity do for my life? Have you ever noticed that virginity is only expressed as a state, in terms of ‘having’, ‘keeping’ and ‘losing’? That’s all. It’s just an inanimate possession that does nothing for anybody outside of itself. It doesn’t give you an extra year of life, doesn’t add to your grade point average, doesn’t make jollof rice for you, doesn’t make you happier, nothing. As a judge of moral character, it fails totally. Like, is a virgin who has oral sex with different people every day more moral than someone who has only had sex with their partner? Who is making these rules? And why are we allowing them to? Virginity was once a standard for chastity until people discovered that it never made sense. Life and morality are too complex and relative to put in a single box and try to force everybody into.

 

4

My phone actually exists but virginity is a social construct. It doesn’t even really exist. It has no single definition that everybody agrees on and has no foolproof way of being determined. For example, what is a virgin? Okay, someone who hasn’t had sex before. What does ‘sex’ include exactly? Is it just vaginal penetration or does it include anal? Are people who’ve had oral sex still considered virgins? If yes, then idk if we even have any virgins anymore so this whole post is useless. I won’t even go into the faction that believe french-kissing is also a form of sex. So whose definition of sex is right? Because we can’t all logically be right. And does this virginity thing apply only to consensual sex? Cos it’ll be so unnice to be raped and  still lose your precious virginity on top. + how do you ‘prove’ virginity? Is there a test for it? Nobody should even mention the hymen thing, cos non-virgins can still retain an intact hymen and it can be broken by non-sexual activities like jumping and horse-riding. So if I say I am or I’m not a virgin, who is going to disprove me? And backed up by what evidence?

mary

A lot of people do find that picture offensive, but it’s true. Mary the mother of Jesus Christ is the perfect example of how much of a poor concept virginity is. She never had any intercourse whatsoever and was divinely pregnant, yet everyone judged her as a hoe. Why? Cos the concept of virginity isn’t really about you. It’s a weapon created against you so people can feel like they know you and judge you as a prude or slut accordingly based on just assumptions.

 

5

I chose to lose my virginity, I did not choose to lose my phone.

 

6

People say losing your virginity is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and it’s so precious cos you only lose your virginity once. That’s true, but driving a car for the first time is once-in-a-lifetime too, even reading your first book. And nobody praises you for not being able to drive or read. Losing your virginity is even seen as more important socially than your first day of school. In fact I don’t know what world the person who tweeted that is living in but in this world, losing your virginity is something everybody judges everybody by. I don’t remember anybody asking if I’ve ever lost my phone, but I can’t count the guys, girls, strangers, old people, that have inquired in some way about my virginity. In all of everything, virginity is the only ‘thing’ in human life that simultaneously shames people for enjoying natural-born instincts and praises ignorance and lack of experience.

7

And well, obviously…

IMG_0297

best point of all, really.

Seven Reasons You Should Thank A Feminist Today

The Belle Jar

If there is one thing in this world that makes me want to chew my own face off, it’s women who think that feminism has ruined their lives.

You know the type – women who want to live in some kind of souped up 1950s fantasy world where they get married right out of high school and their husband makes enough to support their family on just his income and they think the moral decline of society has something to do with the fact that women no longer wear crinolines and genteel white gloves and cute little hats. Never mind that, you know, lots and lots of families in the 1950s weren’t able to live off of a single income; trust me when I say that feminism did not invent the working mother. Leaving that little scrap of truth aside, I guess I can see what some women find appealing about this…

View original post 1,521 more words

I am not What I Wear and Other Lies we Tell Ourselves

livelytwist

cracked face

“I want to be taken seriously dammit!”

Her skin is fair, her face, neck, and breasts, the same skin tone. If her blouse were cut any wider, her nipples would escape. Once, she told me with pride that she didn’t need a bra. I want to use my hands to verify, but I check this irrational impulse and listen to her instead.

“I mean who stumbles over cleavage, right? That’s just like . . .  soooo eighties!” She flicks her bangs and sucks her lemon ice tea, her every movement a pirouette in seduction.

“Right,” I reply, aware that almost every eye in the restaurant is on us, on her, as they have been ever since she walked in. Tall and lithe, like cat woman, could she be unaware of her magnetism? Or does her power lie in contrived innocence?

I let her lead, the conversation that is, but…

View original post 726 more words

nudes: do you want them or not?

Let me just say, before anything else, that i don’t care if you send nudes. I haven’t sent any before and I don’t think I’ll ever send any, whether you’re my friend, lover, boyfriend, husband, saviour, or whatever, because for me, I don’t see why anyone would leave themselves so open like that.  But I also don’t see why anyone would bomb themselves along with innocent people for an eternal supply of virgins, or why anyone listens to lil wayne, or why anyone would dip their bread in tea, or why anyone would do this to themselves, willingly,

nudes1

reason #461 why white people gotta go

I don’t understand many things people do, and people don’t understand many things I do. Sending nude pictures, like most things, is your choice, and I don’t care. I’m not here trynna  impose my own values (at least not right now), I’m here cos I read this really enlightening post  and it made me think, about nudes and the double standards that accompany them. Standards that many people probably don’t see.

I would never have known nudes were such a thing if not for Twitter. Nudes on Twitter are like currency that everybody wants, and if you don’t send you’re a dead girl and no guy wants you, but if you do send and it gets leaked, you’re a hoe cos who told you to send nudes anyway, you cheap slut. This is a double standard too, but not the one I’m on about.

A while ago, I peeped on my timeline that Rihanna was getting bashed for posing nude on her magazine covers.nudes2

People were calling her every shade of hoe, slut, prostitute and unwifeable whore you can think of, and it was odd to me cos 80% of these people were male- boys, guys, (men)- the SAME PEOPLE spending every waking hour and sleepless night, advocating the cause of nude sending. THE SAME PEOPLE who didn’t let us hear word when Twitter got the feature of sending pictures through direct messages (cos nudes were apparently easier to get through this).  Yet, these same guys were now strutting on twitter to tell us how they can’t love a girl like Rihanna and how being nude makes her a hoe or easy. This is the double standard I’m interested in: Do you want nudes or not? You can’t just sit on some imaginary throne, shaming women when they send nudes and shaming them when they don’t. You can’t campaign for someone then stone people who vote for him.

These boys who spend all day, literally hustling to get nudes from us average-looking girls (which is another thing I don’t get. Why not search the internet for hotter, more willing, naked bodies. Google maybe?) and Rihanna (who is supposed to be an epitome of sexiness) is just there giving them free nudes and their response is to shame her, cos she isn’t ‘wife material’. These boys who follow and tweet at accounts like postbadbitches that basically only tweet nudes. These boys who will drool over half naked pictures of surgically enhanced women, and ask why their ‘average’ wives can’t be more like them. And what is this ‘wife material’ thing anyway, because I’m tired. Why do dumb, ugly, broke boys get to tell us who is and isn’t wife material, as if Rihanna is just sitting down in some corner, praying to be chosen as wife material. And more importantly, why do we let them?

Another double standard that annoys me is the reverse of the case. While most guys were shaming, most girls were supporting Rihanna and calling her ‘queen’, ‘bae’ and all that. All I could think of, at that time, was when my a girl in my class in secondary school had her nudes leaked on twitter in the worst way possible and every girl was gossiping about her. It was all scandalous and crazy, until I saw the nude picture in question. She had black underwear in the picture and the lights were dimmed so you couldn’t see much, and I wondered if this too, qualified as nudes. Maybe I’m too lenient or my expectations for this nudes thing were too high but she was hardly ‘naked’,  and the picture wasn’t clear, and yet most people were shaming her, calling her a hoe and all. Now, Rihanna clearly exposes her body and y’all are quick to call her ‘queen’. Oh ok. But you didn’t know those other girls were queens when their nudes got leaked. Why do we feel so comfortable worshiping celebrities, giving them the grace that we can’t even give ourselves? Like, can’t we just like someone without obsessing over them? Must we always tip the scale?

Idk whether the response to nudes should be shaming or support, because like I said before: I don’t care.  I just find it interesting how willing we are to bend our standards when certain factors come into play. If you want to think nudes are wrong, ride on please. If you want to think they’re right, you go girl! (or man, boy, whatever). But don’t say one thing and then do another. Don’t be stupid.

12 Signs You’re In A One-Sided Relationship

Read my mind in every way!

Thought Catalog

True love and commitment are rare to find but most of us spend a good portion of our time trying to seek out that comfort zone that only comes with a relationship. A lot of times relationships are not based on love at all but are these called casual? No! Sometimes people feel so averted by the idea of being in a “casual relationship” that they would rather choose to live with the delusional white lie that their relationship actually exists. That is why a majority of the relationships end, as they might not always be based on two people genuinely being interested in each other but two people who are just trying each other out. This could be due to several reasons: loneliness, set ups, peer pressure, social stigma that everyone needs to flock in twos, social status, sextimacy (confusing physical intimacy with emotional intimacy), a power play for…

View original post 1,990 more words

how to say no to a guy

 

 

Image

 

 

1. ACTUALLY WANT TO SAY NO. So I read some article recently about how to reject a guy and it annoyed me. Amongst other things, it said:

The standard “we can still be friends” or “I look at you as a brother” always works to soften the blow of rejection, and most guys will either take the hint, or take the friendzone status. Either way you’re off the hook… for now.

I don’t even know where to start with this. Stupid, contradicting stuff like this is why a lot of girls are confused: they don’t like a guy, but they still feel entitled to the benefits of him liking them, like attention or special treatment or compliments. I don’t see any difference between that and a guy taking advantage of you liking him & using you for sex. It’s all selfish and annoying, and unnecessary. Why can’t you just make a clean break instead of offering pity friendship? What does it even mean to ‘soften the blow’? Someone that likes you clearly doesn’t want to be your friend, and will probably only take the friendship in hopes you’ll feel the same someday, not as final compensation. By dragging it out you’re just making it more painful and wasting his emotions he could’ve spent on someone who’d actually return it.

 

2. ACT LIKE YOU DON’T LIKE HIM. Saying you don’t like him and acting like you don’t are two very different things, and only the second one really matters. Most guys seem to think ‘no.’ = ‘try harder, please I’m begging’ in girl language, and idk, maybe there are girls that really act like that. So saying you don’t like him won’t really matter unless you can show it 100%.

This is why wanting to say no is so important. If you’re not fully invested into not liking him, then you won’t fully act like you don’t; you’ll seem confused and give off mixed signals and it’ll look like you can like him back, if he just puts a little more effort.

mixed signals confuse everybody

mixed signals confuse everybody

 

 

3. SAY YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

This is my favourite way by farrrrr, cos it usually just ends everything. Have you noticed that guys disturb you when you’re walking alone, but if you’re with a guy they stay in their lane? Even if the guy looks like your father (lol scratch that, especially if the guy looks like your father). Because apparently, you can’t just be a girl and be single, you must also secretly want a random guy from the street to sweep you off your feet with his thick Yoruba accent. I don’t even bother with the other steps mostly, I just say I have a boyfriend. The end.

But don’t use this with people you know or people you have to see everyday, cos they can easily find out you never had a boyfriend.

 

4. MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE HE’S BEGGING YOU.

Girls that dunno how to reject guys usually find it hard cos they’re so preoccupied with being nice. The boyfriend thing isn’t sure; some guys’ll still be like ‘what does your boyfriend have to do with me?’ or ‘your boyfriend doesn’t have to know…’ Like seriously?

At that point your job is no longer to be nice, your job is to find Baygon or Mortein or something and spray it in his eye. Yes, there are times you can be honest & still be nice, but you can’t always be both. You have to choose: straight-forward honesty or watery ‘niceness’. And for some girls, it’s not even about niceness, just that they want to make everybody happy. For these girls, realize that anything you do, no matter what, will earn you a label. If you say no, you’re forming. If you say yes, you’re easy. Doing whatever you want makes the label easier to wear.

The only thing I know is stronger than a guy’s sex drive is his ego. You need to make him feel thirstayyy, like he’s a desperate clingy thing and you’re Beyoncé

beyonce

 

So how do you do this??? I’m so glad you asked. First, you need to release the dragon, Sisqo style. You need to turn your FLAME ON! Let the Fire of Zamani flow through you, and let it burn.

Okay (._.)

The best way I know is to cut of all forms of communication with him: don’t reply his twitter mentions/dms, don’t reply his whatsapp messages (block him if it’s hard), block his number from calling you. And if it’s someone you have to see in person everyday, avoid/don’t talk to him, or if you have to talk to him let it be brief, clipped.

5. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, walk up to him and sing and dance this song like in High school musical

He’ll get the message. Or he’ll think you’re possessed and run away. Anyhow sha.

 

 

Image

6 Things Photoshop Wants You To Believe (That You Shouldn’t)

Thought Catalog

ShutterstockShutterstock

1. Your skin doesn’t have pores.

Or wrinkles. Or redness. Or acne. You get where I’m going with this. When you look at any Hollywood celebrity in a photo shoot, the first thing that stands out is glowing, bright skin. This skin is abnormally flawless, with no lines or real humanistic qualities to it. And for ladies with a darker skin tone? It’s pretty common for magazines to brighten and actually change the appearance of your natural skin color to a lighter hue. Whatever the case, you can rest assured that the skin you’re looking at in ads, commercials, and photo shoots has been blurred, brightened, and changed. 

Why shouldn’t you believe this? Because perfect skin a lie that advertisers are trying to enforce on you. Not only that, beauty companies know these ads make you feel self-conscious and they counteract that with sneaky schemes to get you to…

View original post 1,210 more words

50 Things I Want To Tell My Daughter On Her 18th Birthday

Won’t even wait till she’s 18

Thought Catalog

Modern Family: The Complete First SeasonModern Family: The Complete First Season

I have been pondering all morning what to say regarding you, my beautiful daughter turning 18. I never thought time would go so fast. I love you beyond compare and I have been blessed to be your mother. I do have a few things to say to you on the day you become an official adult. This will be long, daughter, but please read it all.

1. Love yourself first.
2. High school is not real life. Be prepared.
3. Some girls/women are just mean. Chin up baby girl — keep walking.
4. If you find a REAL friend, keep hold no matter how far apart you are.
5. Stuff WILL NOT make you happy.
6. Don’t judge anyone, but expect to be judged. Again I say, chin up.
7. Get to know your grandma on an adult level.
8. Not every problem is the…

View original post 452 more words

I’m not sorry.

SUPERIOR FEMALE

I’m not sorry that I refuse to conform to societal values, I am not sorry for not being a size zero, I am not sorry that my hair is not long and fish bone straight. I’m not sorry for having luscious curves and skin like pure caramel. I’m not sorry that I refuse to be a dumb girl just to secure the looks of guys with no panache whatsoever. I’m not sorry that I have dreams that can surpass your imagination. I’m not sorry for having a weakness for a good book, I’m not sorry that I put my education before everything else. I’m not sorry that I have an amazing God who is always there by my side. I’m not sorry that I am not an embodiment of your sexual fantasies, I’m not sorry that I am still a virgin,I’m not sorry that I refuse to be broken down…

View original post 56 more words

A girl sat on a pony holding a Balloon.

perfect❤

Blaqknyght's

Chaotic thoughts collide and self-destructs in her head.
Sir Alfred shed Tears, idle tears.
Ballooned up with compassion from the breast of a mother.
Sweetness soured up when given time to sweeten up more
To be whole, you must be broken, ask the once proud stallion.
Sand castles are built only to be savagely destroyed.

He made her bleed tears.

A broken mirror reflects a thousand images of two thousand eyes
Smudged eye make-up is not the only consequence of a bad break-up.
A thousand nights romping under the stars in glorious sin
Sweaty labour, paid for with pain. Whips and knuckles.
Just like the Stallion.

The balloon floats free in the air filled with slave air.
The skittish stallion, a prize that changed hands a few thousand times.
A deed. The only reason you get to ride the doe eyed beast.
Buck wild, strong limbed. They call out at…

View original post 66 more words

“Men And Women Are Naturally Different” — Why These Are Fighting Words

Thought Catalog

Ivan David Gomez ArceIvan David Gomez Arce

[tc-related post=313033 align=right]

I just read a Thought Catalog article called “Men and Women are Naturally Different—Why Do We Keep Fighting About it?”. I feel really strongly about this. As a woman, I know the sexes are “different” in that their bodies are different. Women get pregnant, and men don’t. Okay, fine. That’s true.

But whenever you get into “the sexes are just different” territory beyond that, I cringe. It’s because those differences are really vague, there are always a TON of exceptions (I’m a girl! I’m not nurturing! I don’t even like kids! WTF!); and most of those “differences” are ways to explain how women are inferior.

And some of those “inferior” qualities are very subtle; sometimes they don’t sound like inferiorities. Like, “Women are more nurturing and compassionate!” “Women are less aggressive!” “Women are more in touch with their emotions!” Sometimes they even…

View original post 724 more words

7 reasons to be a sidechick

1  Sidechicks have more fun. All the wild, crazy things a guy is scared to do with the main chick, he can do with you. While you’re boozing with him at a stripclub, the main will be at home sipping tea waiting for her man to get back from “work” 

2  Main chicks get i-am-comitted-and-devoted-to-you sex and sidechicks get fuck-me-like-a-prostitue sex.

3  The sidechick has no headaches: no fights, no worrying, no need to stalk his instagram, and doesn’t have to care at all.

4  The main chick has to be faithful but a sidechick can get attention, gifts and good sex from as many partners as she wants.

5  Ending a relationship when you’re the main is so painful & ceremonial and even when you end it you go through months of heartache and there will always be a connection with the guy (as ex now). But sidechicks have no attachments, you don’t even have to tell him when you want to break it off; you can just stop picking up his calls and it’s on to the next.

6  Sidechicks have all the power. Sex and attractiveness are your commodity as the sidechick, and they give you power to determine the terms of the arrangement: how frequently you’ll see, how independent you want to be, how much he’ll spend on you, etc. It’s basic demand & supply. The only time you don’t have this power is when you think you’re the main or when you’re aspiring to be the main. In both cases you’re daft af.

7  What’s the difference btw main & side but terminology? they are both getting sex and both getting cheated on. If he marries the main eventually she’ll live her whole life being lied to and played. But if you’re a smart sidechick, you can have all the fun with none of the headache for as long as you want.

mine

i gotta pull up on you.

you gonn make me have to pull up on you.

don’t go ghost on me, imma go thriller on you

imma just,

imma let my hands do the talking when i see you baby girl

i miss feeling on you

i miss everything that’s real about you

and that’s everything about you

that’s just how i feel about you

been about you and i’m still about you.

but

-we aint finished talking-

i told you, you don’t need to worry about them bitches

all them 5’s need to listen when a 10 is talking.

cos they don’t wanna see you happier than them

and girl you swear they all your friends and that’s been a problem

you the one they hate, just come with that.

i know you think it’s funny that your ex is not a runningback

but that nigga kept running back

and you tell me you done with that.

and i believe it’s truee
long as you know who you belong to…

Popular Culture As Religion: Please Kill Your God

You Monsters Are People.

A few years after the twentieth century ended the world became terrible. The economy shit the bed, everyone lost their jobs, the government started to become evil, and all educational programing was systematically replaced by “reality” television. It was as if Orwell made a half-assed attempt to write a comedy but it ended up being our actual lives instead of a single work that permanently defamed him. This new world worked out great if you wanted to live in perpetual poverty watching idiots argue wide-eyed about nothing in particular over a staccato soundtrack between fifteen minutes of advertising. But, if you were interested in being more than a culture zombie, things were going to get rough the second you left college and entered the intellectual desert of everyday life.

The internet had become our last bastion of cultural hope but that too had begun the slow decent into repugnancy. Advertising…

View original post 515 more words

SOCIAL CONSTRUCT 5: TIME

TIME IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

  I was thinking abt what makes something a social construct, like how to tell when something is really just an invention of society not really ‘real’ in itself. And how can we be so sure:

  1 CAN’T BE DEFINED. All those simple words that people use multiple sentences to explain but it still sounds like they ain’t saying shit or subjects where they’ll be like ‘there is no single definition for blah’ or ‘blah means various things to various people’. Those are social constructs. No one definition is going to satisfy everybody cos we all feel them differently, and without our feelings they don’t exist. Like time. What is time? past present future? movement of a hand on a clock? Most people would agree with both definitions. But the first definition defines it in relation to life events and the 2nd is in relation to a human-made object. If time exists it should be able to be defined independently. If that makes sense.

2 CAN’T BE MEASURED Because no one is sure what they are, there’s no way to measure social constructs that everybody agrees on. And that’d be okay if it were sth scientific or logical, but these are things that pathologically affect us, and we let ourselves build our world around things that we don’t even agree on. Like beauty, obviously. And even time. Apart from the different time instruments like sun dial, clock, blah, who decides what time it is? countries have such wide time differences but even 2 people in the same house don’t live by the same time. Even synchronised watches can run off each other such that my watch says 5:30 and yours says 5:40. Who is right? and more importantly, who decides who is right?

3 DON’T ACTUALLY MATTER The irony of everything? none of it even matters. It’s all fluffy stuff we need to believe so society can have its control over us. Who told us we need achievements to be happy? Who taught us popularity is sth to aspire to? The point of social constructs is the reaction it gets from us. That perception we have. That change in behaviour. That ingrained way of thinking. We perceive time in terms of days, hours, seconds, early, late, slow, past, present, future. When you’re having fun and it feels like 5mins and you’re in a dead class and it feels like 40mins, what matters more: the actual timing or the feeling of the timing. It’s all abt perception.

CONCLUSION
    I used time as an example here cos i think i was using complex stuff like gender or race before but social constructs aren’t that hard to find. They’re in all of our common everyday lives: money, time, language, government, family, sex, etc.

   In the matrix movie, there were a group of rebels who managed to break free of the matrix, led by a guy named Morpheus. But later, one of the rebels betrays them and helps the machines capture Morpheus. He was tired of living in a wasteland, eating disgusting food.  The matrix was a lie, but at least it was a sweet lie, not a bitter truth. He wanted to go back to the matrix cos to him reality was the real prison.

image

  I actually understand him. Like in tom and jerry when tom steps on thin air by mistake and he knows he’s falling but acts oblivious, at least for those few seconds. You’re falling, but you feel safe in the fall at least. I wrote this a long time ago, before i knew what social constructs were (my handwriting was weird) :

image

I need more than what i see around me. And i can’t just settle.

 

SOCIAL CONSTRUCT 4: SEXUALITY

SEXUALITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

  My last post, i talked about sex and gender and the roles society gives us based on our physical qualities. Sexuality is the biggest one of these roles society gives us. It includes all our sexual behaviour: who we’re attracted to, what we think of sex and how we express our horny-ness.
    Again, categorisations: you’re either straight, gay or bi. But if we’re being really narrow-minded, there are only 2 options, you’re either heterosexual (straight) or homosexual (gay). 2 alternatives cannot just exist tho, they must conflict, and one must be superior.
    The whole point of gender roles and the value society gives them is for sexuality. They tell us what a real man is and what a real woman is. A real woman’s job is to attract a man and a real man’s job is to have multiple female sexual partners. All this makes us a heteronormative society; a society where being straight is the natural thing while being homosexual is the alternative; the weird unnatural thing that should be hated at worst or tolerated at best. Smh.
   People will tell you that being straight is more natural cos that’s the only way you can reproduce & make babies. If homosexuality was meant to be, why can’t two same-sex partners reproduce? therefore, they say, homosexuality is against the law of nature, it is wrong, and we must stone those heathens to death. Or whatever. So any method that brings babies is now natural and acceptable ay? are you telling me that a man raping a woman who later gives birth is right and a two consensual woman having mutually satisfying sex and orgasms is wrong?:/:/

      Most people would say no.

image

  i say ‘most people’ because there are still stupid people walking among us, that will still tell you it is more natural. The boloh in that picture was a minister (yea, I said minister) talking about his country’s law against homosexuality as compared to the rising rate of child rape in the country. You can really lose your common sense trying to ptotect social constructs.
     These ideas about what is ‘natural’ aren’t even ours, they’re for society. Society is using our sexuality to protect itself. It’s called reprosexuality, the belief that point of sex is to reproduce. Doesn’t matter if you like sex, enjoy the sex, want the sex or even like your partner, you must reproduce. That’s why homosexuality is so unnatural.
    And really, there’d be nothing wrong with reprosexuality except that we’re not babymaking machines, we are human beings. Life and all it offers- beauty, sex, love- are meant to be enjoyed as a freedom not trap us like a prison. God never forces His will on us, it is always our choice. I find it ironic that it’s now human beings that have the effrontery to force their will down our throat.

SOCIAL CONSTRUCT 3: GENDER

  GENDER IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

There’s a difference between sex and gender. Sex is biological difference- women have curvier bodies and bigger breasts and men are generally physically stronger and have penises. Gender is social difference; the roles society has constructed to tell us how men are supposed to act and how women are supposed to act.
   Society has many tools it uses to assign us these roles and it is all done so subtly and feels so natural that you may not notice anything at all. Tools like family, media, religion & schools (can i just say here that religion is different from faith? religion itself is a social construct but i’ll leave that alone…)
      Gender starts after the baby is born. Baby boys are given blue clothes (colour of royalty) and toy guns and girls are given pink clothes (colour of warmth and affection) and barbie dolls which is a perfect summary of the roles they will later be assigned.
   Men are the subjects and women are the objects. Men are the leaders, they are meant to be strong, aggressive and effective while women are the appendages, meant to be passive, loving and weak. That line of thought is always at play, even when we can’t see it. Girls are meant to sit down and look pretty and wait for a guy to approach them or God forbid if she approaches a guy first she is called ‘easy’, ‘too forward’ or maybe ‘hoe’. Only boys are allowed to be seekers, to go after what they want so clearly. And a higher premium is placed on girls’ looks. Have you ever noticed that if they talk about hilary clinton or michelle obama they must say she’s succesful, brilliant and beautiful? Like the beauty validates everything; once you’re beautiful we can allow you. or why adele’s fatness was such an issue but nobody talks abt how ed sheeran is ugly as fuck. Once again society has categorised us, men being superior and women being inferior.

image

like seriously, this is a serious ad

  i guess it’s easy for most people to accept these categories so blindly, cos it works well for them and they fit into it. But what about people that don’t fit in ehn? People who have both male & female genitalia or none, what happens to them? they choose a gender or one is given to them? either way they will spend the rest of their lives with conflicting hormones, with no sense of identity or belonging to their worlds.

   Society & society constructs are abt protecting the majority, but what about the minority? Of course we could say “fine, it sucks but you can’t make everyone happy, at least most people are happy” but are we really? sexual abuse, rape, sexism, woman assault, are all rooted from this social construction of gender. This arrangement that gives us orders on who to be and what to think instead of letting us choose for ourselves.

SOCIAL CONSTRUCT 2: RACE

  

SOCIAL CONSTRUCT 1: BEAUTY

  In the matrix, the machines trapped the humans so they could use them bodies for energy and for us, society use social constructs to trap us; to distract us while we further its goals without even knowing it.
    The will of society is to protect itself from dying out, and everything socially constructed is to support the majority, even if the minority suffer. Society has always found a way to classify us into groups, where 1 is superior to the other: rich and poor, ugly and beautiful, man and woman. Race is just another way it does that.

RACE IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT
 

image

  There are ideas you have about people based on the colour of their skin, whether you like it or not. It’s like that with all social constructs: an abstract thing is created and we have to care about it even if we don’t understand it or like it. We are categorised like objects and one category always comes out superior. Racially it’s white people, obviously.
   There’s something called culture assimilation, it’s like lowkey colonialism. When two cultures conflict, the ‘inferior’ gives way to the ‘superior’ and the inferior fades away. Africans trynna whiten their skin even though they’re admired for their glowing colour, Brazilians trynna be stick-thin even though they’re admired for their curvy bodies. Colonialism and slavery may be over but we all still see white people as better than us. But who told us white people are better? And who gaves us the meaure on what is ‘good’ and ‘bad’ in terms of a human being?
   But besides the values attached to race, does race exist at all even? Obviously we’re all different. An African looks different from an Asian, a South American looks different from a Caucasian, but i think race is more of a way to be grouped and put in a box, not really an exact thing. If a black person is born and raised in a white majority country: he acts white, talks white, thinks white. Is he still black? And why is the social construct of race so deeply rooted in us that you immediately understood what i meant by ‘think white’? is there a special way white people think? and how different would ‘think white’ be from ‘think black’?

    What about mixed race/biracial people? If a person has Asian, African and Caucasian features, how would you determine which race they are? Obviously you’d look at which of the races was most dominant on them. To you, that may be their small eyes and you’d say they’re asian, but another person would think it’s their blond hair or light features and call them caucasian.

  My point is that nobody will ask you what race you are, they’ll just look at you, guess what race you are (construct their own truth) and treat you accordingly. So race really isn’t even a thing, it is a reflection of who you are and what you perceive.
   

The Neurological Similarities Between Successful Writers And The Mentally Ill

Thought Catalog

Knowing his wife was upset with him for spending more time with his typewriter than with her, F. Scott Fitzgerald hatched a plan. He wasn’t proud of many of his short stories (he only included 46 of his 181 short stories in his published collections), but he knew that in order to win back his wife he’d have to whip up something quickly. Working from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m., he churned out “The Camel’s Back” for The Saturday Evening Post for a fee of $500. That very morning, he bought Zelda a gift with the money he had made.

“I suppose that of all the stories I have ever written this one cost me the least travail and perhaps gave me the most amusement,” he commented in the first edition of Tales of the Jazz Age. “As to the labor involved, it was written during one day in…

View original post 1,772 more words

SOCIAL CONSTRUCT 1: BEAUTY

INTRODUCTION
  If you’ve seen the matrix movies you basically already know what a social construct is and if you haven’t seen it, i’ll explain: In the matrix movie there’s a war between humans and machines. The machines win, then to channel humans as a power source, the machines keep the humans trapped in ‘the matrix’, a fake reality of life before the war while they use their bodies for energy. Apart from a few rebels that managed to break free of the matrix,the humans are born, live and die in the matrix, spending their whole lives believing in a reality that was created only to trap them.

  Social constructs are like the matrix. They’re neat, tiny little spaces that society has made us believe exist. They’re invisible crosses hanging around our necks dragging us down everyday.

  A lot of things are social constructs but we can live our whole lives never noticing. For example, money is a social construct. You’d throw away a piece of paper or metal without thinking about it, but protect money (notes and coins) so much even though they’re the same thing. You think this way cos of the value society has given to money and that’s why being ‘rich’ is very relative, depending a lot on which society you’re in. Our society values notes & coins but other societies use cattle or cowries or anything. To those people our notes are worthless and to us their cowries are worthless. But really both are worthless.

  I heard abt social constructs and i felt this way since but recently i read this article about how virginity is a social construct, and it really opened my mind. All the things we care so much about and base our lives on, do we really care abt them or have we been told to care since we were born? It’s funny how people can go through life, accepting everything, questioning nothing. Never thinking.

BEAUTY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT
  I don’t have a problem with social constructs cos some actually help us, like law & the government, maybe. i have a problem with the value given to them to the point that it feels like we’re lesser if we don’t have these things.
  Beauty is the most obvious example. Anybody that tells you beauty doesn’t matter probably hates you cos there is almost nothing emphasised more than how you look. The whole catfish thing on twitter proves that people ascribe certain behaviours to certain looks. Beautiful is yes, ugly is no. But what is beauty exactly?
  

image

   The problem is that there’s no universal definition of beauty that everyone agrees on. No matter how beautiful anyone is, there is at least one person who thinks they’re ugly. There are some physical features that most people agree on as ‘beauty’ : angular face, big eyes, thin lips, wide hips, big breasts, flat tummy, light skin, blah. But the emphasis on these things always changes. In the 1920s beauty for a woman was to be tall, slender, flat-chested and blonde. Now it’s smaller women with fuller bodies who are seen as beautiful. If what it means to be beautiful is never the same, is there anybody that is really beautiful? The most beautiful person in the world today, 50 years from now could be seen as disgusting. So who is right? And how do we define the parameters since everybody has different tastes?

   Just like money changes from society to society, so do the features that people see as beautiful.

image

image

  Those two pictures show very different women, but both are considered beautiful in their own societies. Tribes in Ethiopia consider lip plates as beautiful accessories that make a woman even more beautiful. It’s disgusting to us. And the first woman in red is disgusting to them.
   The most annoying part is that this beauty thing has no real value, it’s just a forced creation that society tell us is important. Think about it. Asin, really think. Being beautiful doesn’t add or remove anything. It doesn’t mean people will like you, love you, respect you or even approve of you. It won’t give you wealth, a good job, a good partner or even fame or popularity. There are people like kim kardashian that people think are only famous for their looks and have no talent. Aren’t there women far prettier than kim, and are they as famous? Kim’s talent is her resourcefulness, her ability to use what she has to get what she needs. And cos of that resourcefulness even if she were ugly or even a man, she’d still be successful.
    Anybody that tells you beauty doesn’t matter hates you, but anyone that tells you it does matter hates you even more. Beauty alone is nothing. It’s like gold that glitters but you cannot spend.

    
  
  

Virginity Is A Social Construct

I love this so much!

The Belle Jar

Jezebel published a piece today with the title “Nearly 1% Of Women Claim They Were Virgins When They Gave Birth,” and, because this is Jezebel we’re talking about here, they used this as an opportunity to shame and belittle the women who say that they became pregnant while still virgins. And just so we all understand what author Erin Gloria Ryan means by virgins, she writes that they are women who,

“… were unpenetrated by the peen of a man when they became pregnant.”

She further explains,

“This doesn’t include women who became pregnant via in vitro fertilization or artificial insemination; these are women who gave birth the old fashioned way and were like *shrug! SERIOUSLY GUYS I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED!”

Then (incorrectly) asserts,

“Getting pregnant without sex is virtually scientifically impossible, yet dozens of women in the study (who were teens when the…

View original post 953 more words

I Am In A Generation That Fears Love And Commitment While Secretly Wanting To Live In A Disney Movie



Thought Catalog

Simson PetrolSimson Petrol

The cult of being single is a lie made to appeal to your insecurities

I hear it every day. I don’t need a boyfriend. Fuck boys!

I am in a generation that fears love and commitment while secretly wanting to live in a Disney movie. I don’t know anyone who is honest about their feelings when they begin dating (let’s be honest, I mean sleeping) with someone new. Then a few drinks in, people cry to me about not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, or why is dating so hard, or why doesn’t anyone love you.

[tc-related post=”261491″ align=”right”]

Grow the fuck up.

You’ve lied to yourself that being single makes you strong and confident, but you’re pathetic and sad. You want someone to love you, but you can’t muster up the energy to care for another person. You push people away and then get upset when they…

View original post 316 more words

how twitter makes you a worse person

1 Twitter encourages this reality show behaviour; the idea everybody seems to have that we have to impress everyone else, whether we care about them or not. That we have to act like our lives are flashier or more interesting than they actually are. And that people & events in our lives don’t exist until everybody else knows abt it.

2  Mean-ness and unnecessary rudness are hailed while being nice only leads to regret.

3  The ability to add people into your life with the click of a button, and remove them just as easily, makes you believe people are temporary and replacable and not unique in their own ways.

4  Twitter’s 140 character-limit and compact style feed on our short attention span and need for instant gratification. Information passes through us but it never really changes us.

5  Online friendships are weak. More like alliances formed based on superficial things like appearance or popularity, a mutual online enemy or shared lols and rts.

6  We’re always dividing ourselves, looking for more reasons to conflict: men vs women, lightskinned vs darkskinned, Beyonce fans vs Rihanna fans. It never ends.

7  No matter how mindless you are you can’t always agree or fit in with the majority (if you can, your problems are beyond spiritual). But you can’t always express your opinions. Twitter reminds you how infinitely and hopelessly alone you are.

8  It fosters this bandwagon mentality. Conditions us to follow the strong majority instead of help the weak minority.

9  It desensitizes us to stupidity and immorality. Random acts of indecency or strongly ignorant opinions no longer shock or repulse us, rather we’ve come to expect them.

10  It’s so easy to create this alternate reality where avatars, reputation, follower counts & slangs we never use in reality are more important than kindness, truth, integrity or common sense. We forget there’s life beyond our phone screens.

11  Twitter is fundamentally a social network but it’s also become a micro-world on its own. A place where we can witness firsthand how fucked up society is and how more fucked up we its members are.

4 most annoying things about this picture

   A while ago i read this dead Nigerian book (not my choice, for school) and there was a paragraph that just irritated me, more than the rest of the book already irritated me…

image

   I can say that literally every sentence in this part annoyed me. Esp these 4:

1

allow the men to do the chasing, that’s what we’re created to do. That’s how God has designed it even in the animal kingdom.

[LINES 3-5]

  Like ehn?? I just want to know when God told this author when He decided to make males the hunters, the predators, the seekers and females the scared prey. Who designed this food chain? Guy really used God to justify sexism smh. And as for the animal chasing part, not all lower animals wait for males to ‘chase’ them. Female spiders for example initiate intercourse. And if we’re going to compare ourselves to ‘animal kingdom’ we should also stop wearing clothes, and walk on all fours as well.

2

It’s okay for a woman to apply some makeup and get decently dressed and even spray good perfume to appear worthy of being wooed.

[LINES 11-13]

  One thing i hate is this belief that all women do- beauty, hygeine, education, achievement- is to look good for the man. What i hate even more is that girls actually believe this. Why would you ever want to change for a person who doesn’t think you’re good enough as you are? Isn’t it possible that women just want to look good for themselves maybe, not to attract anybody? And wtf does “worthy of being wooed” even mean? Who wants the dirty wooing? foh

3

don’t make advances at him because if you do, the priceless crown of self-worth which God has placed on your head will come crumbling down

[LINES 15-17]

I don’t even know where to start with this. Again, stop using God when your argument is pointless. I’m sure he’s tired. Second, why does society make females that it’s wrong to have ambition- be it social, emotional, sexual, political? Like females cannot go after what they want like men can? And why do females let society make them feel like that. Idk about you but my Bible tells me this:

image

That “priceless crown of self worth” is your heart, and what makes you different. Not when you pretend to be sth else . Something like that can’t just crumble.

4

I think

[LINE 2]

  This is where the problem started. He “thought”. He thought it was okay to impose sexist, chauvinist views on young impressionable readers by using religion. He thought it was okay to tell us his thoughts, freedom of expression & all. Not everyday freedom of expression, though. Sometimes stfu.

why we should be single

When i was in junior school, i just wanted to have a boyfriend. i wanted to find a guy to save me from my boring life, profess his undying love for me and ask me to be his girlfriend. Then, five years later, we’d get married, have children and ride our unicorns into a rainbow, Disney music playing in the background. But then reality happened, and even though people make being single look sad and lonely, here’s why i think we’re all better off being single:

1 BOYS ARE STUPID i hate generalisations & girls that say stuff like, “all guys are dogs” or “boys are just the same” piss me off. First, you don’t know every guy. Most likely you just have experiences with the same type of guys which, tbh, says more about you than boys. Second, even if every guy in the world is said to do sth, there’ll still be at least one guy somewhere-somewhere who is different. Never generalise. That said, boys are seriously stupid. Idk if it’s an age thing and when they’re older they’ll be unstupid, but mann. They are too easily moved by what they see, too quick to compare and look outside. It saddens me, but it mostly just irritates me. Who you’re with should be the most beautiful person in the world to you but so many boys are so wrapped up in superficial things. And maybe that’s cool for you guys, but i’m not really a superficial person and i don’t bother aspiring to be fair. Girls are stupid and superficial in their own way too, to be. Like i read this thing about a guy who pretended to be a rich man on facebook to test his girlfriend. He told his girlfriend he wouldn’t be around for Valentine’s, then he messaged her on facebook as the rich man, asked her if she was free to come to his hotel on vals, she said yes. Asked if she had a boyfriend, she said no. People in general are stupid, and starting relationships gives them the power to hurt you.

2 FREEDOM being single is easy. You don’t have to talk to one stupid idiot everyday, you don’t have to worry about what one stupid idiot is doing every moment, you don’t have to involve yourself in the feelings and daily activities of one stupid idiot. You don’t have to care at all. You are free. When you enter into a relationship, you’re signing a contract of mutual caring. This means that in everything you do, esp stuff concerning the opposite sex, you have to think of what your partner would think of if he/she did the same thing. You can’t harmlessly flirt with a classmate cos if your girlfriend was flirting, you’ll vex. You can’t accept gifts from other guys, cos if your boyfriend took stuff from girls, you won’t like it. Every single thought, action and impulse has the potential to destroy the entire relationship, and it’s your job to care. It’s like having a child, except that with children you can look forward to the day they grow & become independent.

3 FEELINGS CHANGE feelings change, things change, people change. Things change people or rather people change things, change people (if you get what i’m saying). From primary to junior school i wanted to be a doctor so bad. I drew a plan for hospital stuff on cardboard when i was small (nothing important, just the front building & a smiley nurse) and I wanted to study Medicine. Then I got to senior school and everything started changing. I had new friends, a new way of thinking and i discovered i liked writing and some people liked my writing too. And i liked reading and learning new things and my passions changed completely. Even though i’d wanted to be a doctor for so long and i was good in the Sciences (never liked maths tho, demonic subject. tueh.), within two years, my feelings changed and I wanted sth more. Now I’m studying law. Someone once said, “the state of being is a process of becoming”. Human beings are always changing, always becoming. The person you are now isn’t the person you were 5 years back. So how can you enter a relationship not knowing if your feelings for the person will change as quickly as they came? How are you so sure you won’t wake up one morning and feel indifferent towards the person you used to love so much?

4 SOCIETY’S STANDARDS Society has a lot to say about our relationships: how to date, who we can and cannot date, and blah. Boys, for example, have so many standards to meet or else they won’t be seen as ‘boyfriend material’: they should be handsome, speak fluent English, 6” or taller, have a good car, rich, nice but not too nice or they’ll get played, funny but not too funny or they’ll get zoned, sensitive but not too sensitive or they’re seen as weak. It never ends. I’d like to say fuck society and fuck society’s standards and all, but lol yo fuck that. Consciously or not, we follow these standards, even if we think they’re stupid. I won’t deny: I want a boy who’s taller than me, has a car, has an actual job. Cos those things are nice, they give you security, sort of. Don’t lie to yourself, you wouldn’t marry a guy that’s below your family’s economic status, no matter how ‘caring’ he is. Caring doesn’t pay bills ma. And you won’t marry a girl with tattoos and piercings everywhere no matter how ‘nice’ she is. You wouldn’t even date those people or approach them talk less of marriage. And that’s just it. What if the person you love and care about falls under society’s standards? The whole relationship will naa feel like you vs the world. Abeg i didn’t come here for no romeo and Juliet stuffs. When i can just avoid everything and be single.

5 NO TIME relationships are stressful: they take time, energy, emotion and commitment. Talking everyday, making regular plans, making one stupid idiot happy on the regular. Yeah, no. I heard of a couple that dated for three years, and then broke up cos the babe cheated. Three years man, three! Their relationship was a toddler. What a waste of life and endeavours lol. Can you imagine the time they must’ve invested in the relationship: meeting, talking, asking out, dates, fight, making up, asking friends for advice, etcetera. Time you could’ve used to get a university degree or start a business or raise a child or build a nation or give your life to Christ or start and end a world war. I mean, people lived and died in those three years. I’m a functional human being: I have school, books to read, a blog to write, Nemo to find. I don’t want a relationship that’s destined to fail taking more of my time. Neither should you.

6 LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH This is sth a lot of people who go into relationships don’t realise. I’ll explain. When you enter a relationship, you’re not really entering cos you like the person, you’re entering cos you want benefits (no, not just sexual kinds). Like when most people give their lives to Christ, it’s less about loving God and more about surrendering to a higher power or for some they’re scared to go to hell. Human beings don’t do stuff unless it serves a need or desire in them cos we’re all selfish idiots (don’t feel bad, that’s how we were programmed). So people normally have their own motives for relationships. People (esp girls) enter relationships cos they want to be saved. They have a hole they think a person or romantic love can fill; they don’t want to be lonely. Brethren, hear the word of God today: it is possible- actually, common- to be alone in a relationship. Relationships that last aren’t the ones that love each other the most the way y’all think love is. You think that love is an emotion, or that love is about caring and thinking about the person and feelings. No. Love is about action. If Jesus sat all day and ‘cared’ about us, instead of dying on the cross and all, i don’t think Christianity would be much of a religion today. Romeo and Juliet are famous for the intensity of their emotion: they died the week they met tho. No matter how much you love a person, how deeply you care. It isn’t enough. And that scares me.

Masks by @Ayoo_sn

image

I look around and I see masks:
people trying to hide their weaknesses
trying to be islands on their own
trying to show they don’t need
anyone else
trying to be complete on their own.

I see facades:
illusionary happiness

I see ignorance:
people who think they’re happy
but have not even tasted true happiness
people who think they have all they need
people who look for happiness
where it can’t be found.

True happiness exists:
and we will search for it,
like miners searching for gold
We will chase after truth
and everything else will follow.

By @Ayoo_Sn

12 things girls should know

i hate relationship experts: People who think that they know men or they know women and can tell you how to live your life successfully, based on limited experience and even more limited information. no, all men are not dogs, all girls aren’t after your money and not all guys cheat.
me, i’m not a relationship expert, i don’t have a lot of dating experience, and i’m not that good at giving (or taking advice). I’m more of an observer: i study people a lot & notice a lot of habits humans have and trends in society. The 12 things I’m about to tell you aren’t relationship guides, or how to get a good guy or whatever, it’s more about personal development and becoming a better, smarter person. Not like i read it or heard about it, it’s all stuff i had to discover by myself in the last three years.

1 YOU DON’T NEED A GUY. We live in a patriarchal society, in fact, a patriarchal world. Men are considered the rightful owners and leaders in everything and women are like the appendages, a spare part a guy sometimes need. Even when they say they don’t need a boyfriend or husband, girls still crave that male attention, and feel lesser without it, even if that attention is coming from a guy they think is scraps. It’s crazy like that. One of the hardest things you need to accept in life is that the only person you really need is yourself. It’s good to have friends, it’s okay to want a relationship and all, but your source of completeness or fulfilment should come from you. No one can be with you all the time, no one can think things the way you think, feel things the way you feel. Be satisfied with you, know yourself, enjoy yourself and have an amazing relationship with yourself or every other relationship outside of yourself with just lead to disappointment cos you’ll be trying to fill a space only inner happiness and self-love can fill.

2. BEING NICE IS DIFFERENT FROM BEING STUPID. One thing i hate about girls is that they always love to play the victim. Like my friend was telling me this time about a guy that’s going out with her other friend came over to her house and they ‘accidentally’ made out, like she doesn’t know whether to tell her friend. And i’m like ??????? lool foh. So a guy that you just met is asking to come over and you say yes out of niceness, so what exactly did you think was going to happen? you thought he was going to come over to make garri and play scrabble then later y’all will join hands and sing kumbayah? DPMO. and i won’t even talk about the accidental part, like how does one accidentally make out? did he jazz you or you tripped and fell on each other’s mouths. I said all this in my mind tho, outside i was a nice guy ( ._.)Being nice doesn’t mean you should leave your brain under your pillow, doesn’t mean you should let people take you for granted, and doesn’t mean you should do what you don’t want to. No matter how ‘nice’ you are, people will always treat you badly or say bad stuff about you. Live your life in a way that no matter what happens, you’ll be satisfied cos you’ll know you did what you wanted to do.

3. YOUR VIRGINITY IS NOT YOUR TREASURE. The way society is set up, sex is what the woman ‘gives’ and the man ‘gets’. It’s like as if sex is transfer of power from woman to man and not a mutually enjoyable experience, talking abt virginity is a woman’s beauty or whatever. First, can we forget what society forces down our throats & just establish that withholding sex from a guy won’t make it last, won’t guarantee love or make him respect you more. Have we established it? Ok. Thanks. Second, i’m not speaking for people who keep their virginity for moral or religious reasons or just personal preferences but if you’re a virgin cos of religion, you should know french kissing and some other kinds of foreplay are also sins. It’s somewhere in the Old Testament sha. Third, if you ask a nonvirgin girl if she’s a virgin and she says yes, exactly what kind of jazz will you use to know if she’s lying?? there are lots of sports and exercises that can tear the hymen, like skipping and high jump. I don’t know a lot, but if your ‘beauty’ lies in something that anyone can pretend to have, that doesn’t even matter ultimately, is that still beauty?

4. BOYS DON’T JUST WANT SEX. Sometimes, they want head too. Lol, but seriously it’s not just about sex. Yes, a lot of guys see girls as sexual objects, useful only for sexual needs, but sometimes girls don’t really give themselves any other use. Like, we as human beings are selfish and we don’t associate with people or things unless they can satisfy a need. Like the friends you have, you talk to some cos they make you laugh, or cos you have common interests or cos you just enjoy being around them. They satisfy the need for companionship. If you want to be seen as more than a sexual object to society, then be more. Really, it’s not that hard.

5. A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT A GAME. People make it seem as if relationships are games or competitions or a power struggle of Man VS Woman, and it doesn’t make any real sense. Relationships are supposed to be about love, trust and understanding not secrets, lies and manipulation. Stop letting single people tell you how to be in a relationship! A relationship should be natural and spontaneous, and you can’t control it with stupid rules and regulations, just be yourself and let the guy be himself. I’m not saying you should surrender your mumu button anyhow (See number 2), but people are different, and most of the rules don’t always apply. For example, my first (and only) 1 year relationship was with a guy i made out with the night i met him, but my relationship before that was with a guy i didn’t even touch till after a month. It lasted 3 months. There’s a reason why they call the spouse a ‘partner’ not a competitor. If you treat a relationship like a game, you can never win.

6. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE BEAUTIFUL. I feel like boys have the permission to be ugly, you get? A lot of girls feel like it is their duty to be pleasing to the eye, for no other reason than their gender. Listen, you are not a flower or a house decoration ehn. Your purpose is greater than physical attractiveness, and surely God didn’t put you on earth to be pretty. You don’t have to look good, you don’t have to have cute pictures, and your makeup doesn’t have to be perfect. All these things are good and perfectly ok, but don’t let it control you. I read of this girl that had a series of surgeries to turn herself into the human Barbie. Like, i wish i had the picture, she looks like a fucking doll. She naa wakes up early every morning to do her makeup and get the perfect Barbie doll look. She took her own to the extreme but i think most girls are like that, deep down, believing their primary goal is their looks. Why we have girls aspiring to be models and makeup artists not business and entrepreneur kin stuff cos they think being pretty is the best way to get what you want, which actually brings me to my next point.

7. BEING PRETTY GIVES YOU NOTHING. The conception that how you look matters remotely, is the biggest modern myth. And i’m not even trying to be preach-ey. Being pretty doesn’t mean people will like you, respect you, or even approve of you. It won’t give you wealth, a good job, a good partner, fame, popularity, or assure you of anything desirable. It’s just there. It doesn’t mean you’ll even get more attention than less attractive people; we all have that average-looking friend with all the admirers. Anything a pretty person has, an unpretty person can get it, more and quicker sef. Really, i think looks are a distraction, or maybe God’s way of showing us that what we see means less than what we can’t see or whatever. My point sha, is that all the benefits of being pretty that you assume there are, that you struggle to be attractive for, they’re all a facade; all in your head.

8. THAT A GUY GIVES YOU ATTENTION DOESN’T MEAN HE LIKES YOU. Apparently girls take a lot of pleasure in guys chasing after them, and God knows i can’t understand why. Lemme tell you, I’m not a boy expert or a girl expert, I’m not even an expert on myself, I’m just real, and I happen to live among human beings so I notice their behaviour patterns. Most of the time, the girls boys are all over are the easiest, not necessarily the prettiest. Chew on that, masticate on it till the pieces are liquid, now swallow it whole. Remember i said most of the time. A boy can genuinely like you and give you attention cos his intentions are good. But when you find yourself being chyked by a lot of boys in a short period of time (esp if these boys know each other somehow) don’t see it as a good thing, is all i’m saying.

9. THAT A GUY ASKS YOU OUT DOESN’T MEAN HE LIKES YOU. Me sef if I say I understand this one, I’m lying. Idk what level of demonic you must be to date a girl cos of boyfriend gives, but I know it happens a lot, and most times, there’s no way you can be sure. Oh and btw, it isn’t a relationship till he verbally asks you out. There’s nothing like an ‘implied relationship.’

10. THAT A GUY IS STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, DOESN’T MEAN HE LIKES YOU. Yup, the power of boyfriend gives (ie the deep and reckless gives most girls reserve for only their boyfriends). Don’t take pride in being the one to breakup with a guy. A guy can be tired of you, irritated by you, hurt by you, but won’t break up cos the gives are good. Yeah some boys are stupid and evil like that. So if doing all these things doesn’t mean he likes you, then how do you know he likes you? Honestly, i don’t think you can really ‘know’ how someone truly feels about you. The best you can do is watch their words and actions, esp their actions and spend time with them, cos no one can pretend forever.

11. YOU ARE NOT IN COMPETITION WITH OTHER GIRLS, OR WITH ANYBODY IN FACT. Girls go through so much and instead of them to be united in understanding and experience, they’re fake; battling each other with fake smiles and competing with each other. It’d make more sense if they were competing for who is more successful, or who is a better person. Instead they compete for attention, male attention precisely. Understand this: never compare yourself with anybody, any girl, any other person cos you are running your own race, with a track designed specially for you. There is a reason why you look and think exactly the way you do. In your own way, you are perfection. I read a poem recently that was like:
what a lousy deal to be an eel
how much neater to be a cheetah
but put a cheetah in the sea
and ask him which he’d rather be.
The poem has the point as me: that we are all made specially for the situations we were put in. A cheetah will never wish to be an eel until it finds itself in deep water.

12. DON’T ACCEPT ANY DEFINITION OF BEAUTY BUT YOUR OWN. When i was in junior school, all i wanted was to know how to rock high heels, like not wedges but the really really high 6-inch stilettos. Everything about tall women was sexy and mature back then. Then it became all about short women, there was sth cute and vulnerable about the petite stature. Recently, it’s shifting back to tall women again. Society’s definition of beauty is always changing, but that doesn’t mean you have to change to fit into it. Some people use makeup, bleach, go through surgery for bigger breasts, slimmer body, wider hips (can i just add here that idg why you’d want wider hips when it’ll still increase again after childbirth. Unless you want to look like a rhino after 2 children, then carry on). Anyways, you can do all these things, but it won’t solve your problem. So whenever society gives you a new standard of beauty, you’ll just conform to it, like a robot? Where is your mind? Society’s standards are all well and good, but like i said in number 3, your beauty is indestructible; it isn’t sth anybody can take away from you, or that anybody can put on creams and powders and gels or do surgery to get. I saw this movie where people’s appearance was an expression of their personality. Like imagine that kind of world. Instead of wearing makeup and going to the gym, people’d actually have to become better people and go to church and all. Fat, short, skinny, dark, fair, whatever, it all means nothing. We have forgotten that before we put on this flesh we were once spirits, and when our flesh is gone, who we are is all we’ll have left. All girls need to know this, and this is sth i’m still trying to accept too. If you don’t gain anything from all this, at least know this: your beauty is who you are.

5 things i want to work on this year

 

image

  I know it’s almost 2 months into the year and by now everybody has given up on their resolutions or found new ones, but somehow I feel very hopeful about this year and not just this year but the future in general and everything to come. I just finished exams, i started writing again and i feel so much energy and possibility: i feel like there’s hope. And these are stuff i want to change in terms of personal development, not just this year but also in the long run

1 MY SELF

i want to be a better person, in every way. I want to be nicer and less irritable. I want to stop letting my moods & feelings control me. I want to know more, be more  independent and experience more. I want to try new hairstyles, eat new food, go to new places, buy new shoes, get a new highscore on fruit ninja . New everything.

2 MY WRITING

This year i really want to focus on writing. I want to write and write and write and then write again. I want to write so much that i dream of pens & papers. Yaaa that deep. I feel like i’m not taking my writing as seriously as i used to, and like i’m becoming mediocre and scared. When i have sth to write i keep postponing it less out of laziness and more out of fear of failure. This year i’ll write stories & poems & scripts & anything. I’ll find any & every excuse to write tbh.

3 SCHOOL

I want to focus on school too, obviously. Academics has always been important to me cos it’s important to me to do well in school but then these days i wonder why even bother? You can graduate with all the 5 points in this world you’ll still go and work for someone with rich parents and a third class degree. I think that school is less about grades and more abt education if you get what i mean. grades are extremely important to me but i want an education this year, too.

4 FRIENDS
  Admittedly, i’m not that nice or good with people. Like at all. So i’m very grateful to people who tolerate me still esp friends i’ve had since secondary school. And i want to be a better friend to them this year. I want to be more open, less annoying and be reallyyyy supportive and all that stuff.

5 THE FUTURE
I want to think more about the future and my future and plan towards it. Next 5, 10, 20 years. I don’t want to waste my time on fruitless relationships i won’t even remember in 6 months or in a year. I want to build my character and my experiences. I want to know where i’m going even if i don’t know how i’ll get there. I want meaning and purpose, and I want to discover it. There’s no time.

Fuse

beautiful

mindlovemisery

couple2

I clutch the intimation

Of your smile between my teeth

The final bastion crumbling

*

Words are bitter

The discarded rinds

Of a titivated heart

*

Let’s not speak

As if strangers

Let’s kiss and collapse

As if every moment

Were indelible

*

My soul flits

Between spine and navel

A dissident moth

Hunting euphoria

In darkness

*

I want to burn with you

Like an exposed wound

Jagged and irrefutable

My name deepening

With every exhale

A mantra carved

In flesh and sinew

View original post

The difference

   I was thinking today about some words we use so commonly that we can’t even define them anymore. Like gender. What is gender, actually? like how would you define it to someone that doesn’t know what it means.

  One dictionary says it

the difference between male and female

.

And that got me thinking, like that’s all gender is: difference. What separates men from women. Obviously men and women are different physically, but every single person is different physically. Not even twins have exactly the same appearance.

I feel like there’s always this very human need to group, to classify, to stratify, to divide. And not just in gender, like everything- class, race, social status, education, religion. People are always creating these pseudo-realities that focus on how different we are, and all the things we disagree on. I thought about it today that there’s something called androgyny, where a person is born with male and female characters. What does gender mean to that kind of person? like does he/she get to pick a gender? what does he even base his choice on; his feelings, his experiences, the way society depicts both sexes? is ‘he’ even the right pronoun? maybe she, or it?

   i feel like all these groups and differences are a facade, like they aren’t real. i think we’re all basically the same thing. We all need love. We all want the same things (albeit we have different ways we think we can get those things) and we’re all human beings. We’re not different at all.

Just you

I have an amazing cousin 😘❤️

Omooba

image

I once met a boy
Maybe five or six
With black skin and brown wide eyes
The kind that locks you in a cage
With your undenied consent
A pleasing brainwash
The only English he knows is pidgin
And He speaks it proudly
Unfazed by all who can’t untangle
It’s ruggedness

He was a quiet fire
A forest fire
The fastest fire
A fire that hardly burns, mostly chokes
In a dangerously soothing manner
And he doesn’t even know it.

You remind me of him
But there was never him
Just you
You with all your beautifully choky unlikeliness.

For imade
Happy Birthday??
Love you, have a day (and year) as fab as you are
xx_o.a

View original post

Shit White Feminists Need To Stop Doing

The Belle Jar

I’m a white feminist, and let me tell you something: white feminism* is pretty bullshit. It’s exclusive, oppressive, and serves to further marginalize the people who are most impacted by misogyny. Unfortunately, white feminism is also the western status quo of feminism, meaning that white feminists have the biggest platforms, have increased access to resources and media, and are generally considered to be The Voice of Feminism. In theory, someone truly interested in equality would use these assets to amplify the voices of women of colour. In practice, white supremacy is a real thing and white feminists often seem to forget that their white privilege makes it easy as hell to trample over women of colour as they work to dismantle the patriarchy.

So, in honour of International Women’s Day, here is a non-exhaustive list of Shit White Feminists Need to Stop Doing:

1. Believing Their Experiences of Marginalization Are…

View original post 1,084 more words